So we realize that so far this blog seems to be more of a travel journal than a journal about our efforts to have a baby. And some of you visiting our blog may not be familiar with our baby plans. A bit of background might be helpful.
We started talking about having kids nearly from the minute we met - literally. Those of you who have heard the story of our meeting know that we ticked off a number of questions for one another within the first ten minutes of conversation. One of those questions was whether both of wanted children. We both did. Mike had begun researching adoption programs in Seattle and then again in San Francisco after moving there in 2006. Ken had been researching surrogacy for some time.
In the spring of 2008 we started researching and interviewing surrogacy agencies. We met with two, selected one, and paid a deposit. Our plan was to start the process in late 2008. Then, however, the economy crumbled and our surrogacy plans were put on hold indefinitely.
This year, after getting married in 2008, followed by our wedding in 2009, and in light of our advancing ages, we decided it was time to start and finish the process. At about that time, our friend Eddie mentioned to Ken that two of his friends - Rob and Dave - were planning to pursue surrogacy in India. Ken - intrigued - immediately launched into his research mode. He contacted Rob and Dave, met them for lunch, searched for articles and information on the Internet, researched surrogacy centers in India, met with Rob and Dave again, shared all the information with Mike and - Ta-da! - a decision was made. We would do surrogacy in India.
There are a number of advantages to surrogacy in India as compared to the United States. The agencies are well established and have been functioning for years. The medical tourism industry in India is growing and is expected to outpace the technology industry in the near future. The surrogacy process is focused on meeting the needs of the intended parents and the legal risks (vis-a-vis the surrogate) are minimal. Also, the surrogates remain in the care of the surrogacy center during the entire period of their pregancy, under the supervision of doctors, nutritionists, etc. The financial reward for the surrogates is significant; it can pay for their children's education (all surrogates are married with children of their own), pay for a daughter's dowry, or even pay for a new home for the entire family.
In gestational surrogacy, the surrogate is never the egg donor. She has no biological relationship with the baby. This reduces if not eliminates entirely any claim the surrogate could have to the baby. This is true in the United States as well as in India.
In the U.S. it is common for a surrogate to carry twins and - when carrying babies for gay dads - often one baby is the child of one father and the other is the child of the other father. In India a surrogate is not allowed to carry babies from two different fathers. Therefore we have elected to have one egg donor but two surrogates. Having two surrogates will increase the likelihood we will conceive a child on the first attempt. We may or may not meet our two surrogates. We did not meet them on this trip so the only other opportunity will be when we return for the birth(s), if all goes well. We know basic information about them only: age, years married, number of children, age and occupation her husband, etc.
This trip to India was for the purpose of making our donation to the process. The eggs from the egg donor we selected are expected to be ready on Monday (August 9). They will then be fertilized and implanted in the surrogates on Wednesday or Thursday (August 11 or 12). In about two weeks we will know if the transfers were successful. If any of them are successful, like any other expectant parents we will have to wait for a few months to know if they survive the first trimester.
If all goes well we will return to India in April and stay for about a month. We will be here for the birth(s) and then stay for an additional two weeks or so until the baby/ies have passport and can travel.
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